Sunday Night Talkdown: 9/11/16

It has been a while.

Don’t mind me, though. Just pretend I’ve been here the whole time. Not at all writing to relieve the absurd Sunday night low-grade anxiety that is buzzing all over my body right now. Not in the slightest.

What I’m Watching:

Sunday Night Football. Pats @ Cardinals. Nothing makes the scaries go away quite like watching 300 pound men latently murder each other. Jimmy Garoppolo should continue to be a thing so I can watch from a distance as the east coast media sets itself ablaze in nuclear takes in an effort to move the needle even further than it needs to go.

Weekend Revisionist Memory That is Going To Haunt Me Forever:

Almost dousing section 509 at T. Boone Pickens Stadium (South Club. NBD but KBD) in a Jack and Coke and vodka water during the third quarter of Saturday’s bananas OSU/Central Michigan game. I am going to blame this one on shoddy construction and new surroundings. I was wearing my gameday boots. They run a touch large, so they throw my balance off, alright? This is important. I take one step down and clip my heel on the step, which then led to my sunglasses toppling off my head and me pulling off an incredibly athletic move of not spilling the drinks while also not becoming a Deadspin headline at the same time. I should be proud of myself for pulling off what should be an astoundingly athletic move by a fat 30 year old, but I cannot keep replaying the scenario in my head where I douse a 75 year old oil billionaire in $20 worth of cocktails and dignity and find myself banished from Oklahoma. If that were the situation that had actually happened, there’s no way I can ever step foot in Stillwater again. Done. Cross it off the list. Brian: banned.

However, I can neither confirm nor deny that this would be my first banishment from a Big 12 town. Let’s just say my picture is probably on a wall behind a bar somewhere in Lincoln.

What I’m Listening To:

The sweet symphony of crickets outside of my window. Fall, baby. It’s here. White girls go crazy.

Unread Text Messages:

43. Group texts: good in theory, bad in practice.

YouTube Wormhole du jour:

Sting vs. NWO. An endless treasure trove of ’90s fake violence.

Takeaway:

Football is good. True Son Big Deal Barry Odom got his first win as Mizzou head football coach in a 61-21 SEC-on-MACtion MURDERFEST. Drew Lock might be the only 20 year old on the planet that I don’t currently absolutely hate (How’s college? Oh, it’s fun? Cool). The Chiefs threw up the greatest comeback in team history and I’m sitting on a 30 point lead in fantasy with two players playing on Monday night. We’re back. Football is back. The Talkdown is back (forever, maybe?). Brian is back.

See you in the trenches.