Friday Mail-It-In: For The People

You animals are insatiable. Everyday, I just get email after email from one of you begging me to come back. I love it. Ol’ Bri Guy has been a bit busy lately, ya know, making sure my bank account doesn’t overdraft on a late night McDouble run. Apologies for the time off.

So, I’ll answer your mail. There’s a ton. This is a month’s worth of your unanswered questions, so I hope you’re in this one for the long haul.

Bri Guy,

Relatively recent postgrad here, reading your stuff has helped a lot in navigating these foreign waters.

Few weeks ago, one of my best friends had a small shindig for his birthday limited to pretty much just his family. Just had to ask, once and for all, whats the policy on dudes getting other dudes gifts? Felt kinda of like a dumbass when I didn’t bring anything, I just assumed standard male protocol, i.e. pick up the tab next time were at dinner, the bar, etc. Of course my buddy understood that too, but still couldn’t help but feel a little guilty when I saw a table with some gifts on it. Whats the play next time something like this happens, and under what pretexts is it acceptable for one dude to give another dude a gift? (Also any general recommendations?)

You the man,

Daily Grind

You know the old saying “Never show up empty handed?” That’s a good quote. Never, EVER show up to someone else’s party empty handed. You get your ass to a liquor store or some sort of Things Remembered knockoff store and buy your friend a GD gift. But I understand your confusion. Man-on-man gifting is a tough concept to tackle. There’s an easy solution to this though, and it’s alcohol. A big case of beer, a premium 12-pack or a bottle of high end liquor for any occasion is a classy gift. There’s a reason they sell Jack Daniels in gift bundles around the holidays. It’s because it’s the adult equivalent of getting an awesome Hot Wheels track set. The more expensive the liquor, the cooler the present. A bottle of Macallan 15 might as well be a brand new N64 game to me.

***

Hey Bri,

Long-time, first-time here. One of my favorite articles were your binge-watching guides to certain shows. I actually began watching New Girl and, as a result, I turned into a big fan of the show.

This got me thinking, with the ending of a show that I know you and I both love, I thought it could be good to maybe try doing a binge-watching guide to the highly underrated show Justified. It’s available on Amazon Prime and I’m trying to get my friends to start watching it. Could you maybe try doing a watered down version?

Keep it classy – Wes

I’ve actually never gotten into Justified and I feel really shitty about it. It’s on my list, though.

***

B-Ri,

What’s going on, hoss? I recently found myself also unemployed and have been enjoying the experience so far. Between sending out rezzies and networking with randos, there is something refreshing about having some time off after years of school and sitting in the cube. Since we’re riding the between-job-bus together, I was wondering, what are some power moves we can be pulling during unemployment?

Funemployed

Power moves and unemployment go together as well as toothpaste and orange juice, so this is a tall order. I’ll try anyway…

1. Never admit to being unemployed. You’re a freelance consultant now.
2. If someone asks you where your money is coming from, just tell them you’ve gotten into day trading and have not asked your parents for money.
3. Nap everywhere.
4. List your salary requirements in parenthesis next to your name on your resume.
5. Only apply for jobs on The Ladders.

***

I can’t remember if you’ve ever shared the famous McGannon hangover cure, but in case you haven’t, I need to know what a reformed degenerate like you does to soothe the pain of the deathly postgrad hangover.

I have a specific cure for every type of hangover, but those are family secrets. My standard hangover cure is a multi-layered, complex process that is specifically designed for Brian McGannon, by Brian McGannon:

-Four Advil and a full glass of water before falling asleep (optional)
-Upon waking up, I brush my teeth and go number one. Another glass of water.
-Fall back asleep for two hours.
-Go number two. Really get it all out.
-Shower. Extra hot, then go super cold.
-One 32 oz Gatorade. Four more Advil.
-Fast food of your choice. No overly spicy foods.
-Nap in the afternoon after another number two.

***

I know you’re a Mad Men guy, B-Mac. Who are your top 5 characters, what’s the best episode and what do you think happens in the final episode?

1. Roger Sterling, 2. Don Draper, 3. Peggy, 4. Bert Cooper, 5. Stan Rizzo. “Shut The Door. Have A Seat.” Final episode flashes forward into the 1980s at some point, that’s really all I can guess right now. No idea where they’re gonna go with this.

***

THIS WEEK IN PONTOON BOATS:

Guy restores 2001 20-foot Bennington to its former glory.

That’s it for this week. If you’ve got a question for next week, shoot it here: mcgannonbrian@gmail.com.

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